This week my belief that God is Sovereign, that He is in total control and that nothing touches my life that He did not allow or that He did not decree and that He will use everything for my good as I seek His Face, was put to the test.
As I write this the situation seems unimportant and definitely not as serious as others that I have faced. No one died, I wasn’t diagnosed with a serious or life threatening illness, or anything else nearly that traumatic. I was denied a promotion- Again. There is too much history to explain it all in this post, but suffice it to say that I have been unfairly treated, I have been passed over for this promotion for others who are far less qualified and several did not survive the job for more than 10 months.
When I realized the position was vacant again, I at first thought no way would I put myself through the process again only to be denied because I knew a superior had said that she would never allow me to be promoted in this organization. But I had just recently asked God to give me a better schedule so that I could be more freed up for ministry and have my weekends free to attend church and stay better connected to those I worship with. Then this job came up. So, I applied, sat on three different interview panels and also one with my director and then my CNE(chief nurse executive). I did very well on all of those interviews and it was clear that I was supported for the position by many people.
The day I knew I would hear, I asked God to remind me that I was trusting Him, that if I didn’t get the position it was because He had different plans for me. When told I did not get the position I was angry and humiliated. I wish I had just not even applied as I now saw it was pointless, all the hours of preparation, the wondering, the conversations, etc. Everyone at work knew I had applied and now I would have to go back to work knowing I was rejected once again! My pride was taking a big hit!
I wish I could say I was totally at peace and that I just rested in His goodness. But no, it took me a bit to get there, but get there I did. I went home and cried on my husband’s shoulder as he tried to encourage me. I had a co-worker pray for me that I would not be defined by the lie the enemy was speaking but that I would stand on the Truth that I was valued to God and He had different purposes for me. As I rode my bike that afternoon I listened to a song by Jesus Culture titled “Rooftops”…
Here I am before You, falling in love and seeking Your truth
Knowing that Your perfect grace has brought me to this place
Because of You I freely live, my life to You, oh God, I give
So I stand before You, God
I lift my voice ’cause You set me free
All the good You’ve done for me, I lift up my hands for all to see
You’re the only one who brings me to my knees
To share this love across the earth, the beauty of Your holy worth
So I kneel before You, God
I lift my hands cause You set me free
So I shout out Your name
From the rooftops I proclaim
That I am Yours, I am Yours
All that I am
I place into Your loving hands
And I am Yours, I am Yours
I was set free at that moment knowing I really did believe that God is in control, that I could fully surrender all that I am into His loving arms and I was excited to move into the places that He has established for me before time began! I heard God speaking through His word,
Very truly I tell you, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds.
My pride was suffering a death blow, but Oh, how liberating to rest in Him! He is good all the time, All the time He is good! I am now looking for Him to open the door to a prayer trip to Brazil with Global Awakening. I am on a waiting list, but the other obstacles He quickly removed in only one day.
Chip Ingram says it well, “The sovereignty of God is that which separates the God of the Bible from all other religions, truth claims, or philosophies. When we say God is sovereign, we declare that by virtue of his creatorship over all life and reality, his all-knowing, all-powerful, and benevolent rule, that he is in fact the Lord of all lords, King of kings, and in absolute control of time and eternity. Nothing will come into my life today that he did not either allow or decree for my ultimate good.”